


All I want for Christmas is you

by Happyeverafterdoesntmeanforever



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-27 00:24:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17151821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Happyeverafterdoesntmeanforever/pseuds/Happyeverafterdoesntmeanforever
Summary: River waits for an invitation from her parents or her husband, but nothing arrives. Instead, a blue box falls from the sky..





	All I want for Christmas is you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [perla](https://archiveofourown.org/users/perla/gifts).



When she arrived back at Stormcage, she'd expected to find an invitation from her parents sitting on her bed. But there was nothing. 

She did her best to ignore it. But though Stormcage paid no attention to earth season and holidays, she knew it was Christmas Eve. She'd always received one before now.

Perhaps she'd had her last Christmas with everyone, without even realising it. 

That thought had spurred her to find her most scandalous black dress, brightest lipstick, and highest heels, and turn up at a 59th century club. 

Long ago, their roving eyes and hands would have thrilled her, their youth and vitality a balm to her aching soul. 

But it was Christmas, and she wanted her family. 

She danced with everyone in the bar, let them put their hands where they wanted, and cursed her liquor tolerance as she drank glass after glass of wine. 

As the clock struck midnight, it was all too much. She stumbled out into the night, finding herself in the overgrown garden at the back. 

Stupid 21st century Christmas songs were blasting, and she cursed the tears that threatened to fall. 

Suddenly, the hands that had been on her all night felt dirty, the dress too short, the heels too high. 

She raised her head to the sky, taking comfort for the million stars twinkling above her. 

And then rushed to her feet at the sight of a familiar blue box. 

The Doctor. 

As it wavered, falling and swirling through the sky towards her, she saw that it was pretty boy's. 

She quickly wiped her tears, fixing her smudged lipstick. That version couldn't see her like this. 

It landed, that familiar wheezing coaxing a smile from her. She took a step forward, but the doors had already flown open. 

"River." He breathed, voice breaking slightly as he leant on the side of the door, clothes disheveled. 

She rushed forwards, resisted the urge to hold him upright. He wouldn't take kindly to that, not this early. 

"I don't want to go." He murmured, tears pooling in his eyes. 

She couldn't help herself. She supported him, letting him lean into her as she took him to the bench she'd been sitting on. 

He didn't even complain, and she was glad of it. She kept her arm around him as he sat down, his gaze fixed firmly ahead and eyes tired. 

"Tell me about it." She said, softly. 

After a moment, he began, his voice hoarse but steady. He told of his attempts to save those on Mars, the terrible consequences; of a bus and a desert, and a girl who could have been a companion, if he'd let her. 

She held him close, concern flickering through her. She knew all this- had held a later self whilst he related it, wracked with guilt- but she'd never known quite how broken this version had been before his death. 

"What did you mean," she asked, quietly, "I don't want to go?" 

He told her of the prophecies- of the four knocks, of the song that must end soon, of the return of something called only 'he'. 

"And I- I know that I'll regenerate. But it won't be me. Everything that I am will die, and a new man will swagger away, and I- I don't want to. I don't want to go."

"Oh, Sweetie." She murmured, giving in to the urge to stroke his hair. "I know. I know." 

When he dropped his head on her shoulder, tears falling slowly, she held him closer. 

After a moment, she spoke again. "I know that you don't want to give up who you are, that the idea of someone else taking your name is terrifying. But the man who takes your place will still be the Doctor. Will still be brave, and kind, and able to do the right thing when no-one else dares. I know that."

He wiped his eyes, removing his warmth from her shoulder. "I'm sorry." 

"You don't ever need to apologise.” She said, firmly. “Especially not for being afraid.” 

He nodded, and turned to look at her, properly, for the first time that night. His face reddened slightly at the curves so exposed, but then he smiled with an echo of tenderness. 

“Dance with me.” She said, softly. 

He stood, offering her his hand, and she took it, memorising the callouses. 

He set his hand gently on her waist, and she leaned into his touch, letting him lead as they waltzed to a crooning Frank Sinatra. 

“Thank you.” He said, quietly. 

“Always welcome, sweetie.” 

The music changed, and she expected him to drop his hands, start talking about how overgrown the garden was or ask her what she was doing in such an establishment. 

Instead, he spun her around, dancing so terribly that she couldn't help but throw her head back and laugh. 

“I'd like to see you do better.” He challenged, something like mirth glinting in his eyes, and she sketched a bow.

“Challenge accepted.” 

She played slightly dirty, distracting him with swaying hips and bouncing hair, and taking no small amount of satisfaction from the way his eyes widened. 

“Your turn.” 

They passed it back and forth, moves becoming ever more outrageous, til their laughter permanently floated in the air and the tears were forgotten. 

It wasn't till the music stopped, slowing once more, that he took her in his arms again, spinning her around their makeshift dance floor. 

For perhaps the first time with this face, his eyes met hers, and the shadows were banished. 

Though her feet were pinching and the music was largely awful, she was disappointed when it stopped, if only because he dropped his hands. 

She resisted the urge to reach for him again, refuse to let him go. She'd had time with this incarnation, but not enough. Not enough to fully break away his facade, his fear of her. 

When he smiled at her, it was genuine, and he sketched a fake bow. “It's been a privilege.” 

“The joy is all mine.” She said, refusing to let the sadness lingering in the air land on either of them. 

There was a moment where neither of them spoke, and then she dared to, damning the consequences. 

“You got any plans for Christmas Day?” 

“It's Christmas Day?” 

“We've been dancing to Christmas music for the past few hours, darling.” 

He opened his mouth for a retort, but found none. Instead, he studied the ground. “No. No, I don't.” 

She brushed past him, making her way to the Tardis and stroking her woodwork. She hummed happily. 

“There's a Christmas market on Aequitas, if you fancy it. I've heard they've got sonic technology.” 

He couldn't help himself. “I'd like that.” slipped out before he could stop himself. 

\------------------------------------------------------------

He followed her into the Tardis, doing his best not to watch her hips as they swayed in that very, very tight dress. 

She turned to him, offering that wonderful smile again. “I suppose you're driving.” 

“I don't mind.” 

Her eyes widened, and she grinned. “I'll drive, then.” 

He leant back on the structures in the wall, content just to watch her. Despite what he knew waited for him, what waited for her… 

There was a lightness in his heart that he'd not felt in a long, long time. And this woman before him… she deserved everything he could give her. 

She maneuvered the Tardis smoothly into the vortex, managing his ship with an elegance and competence that was slightly unfair. 

When they arrived- complete with wheezing sound that comforted him so- she smiled at him, eyes lighting with excitement. 

He offered her his arm, and she took it, close enough that her hair tickled his cheek. 

He spent much of the next few hours simply watching her- bristling as she flirted with vendor's; widening his eyes at the numbers of heels she purchased; smiling at the almost childish excitement she exhibited, gazing in wonder at the lights and sparkle. 

But he had to intercede when she tried to buy a sonic trowel, proclaiming it embarrassing. She ignored him, of course, and purchased it anyway. Then she tried to tempt him with all manner of sonic technology, and he bought some sunglasses that he had no intention of wearing just to shut her up. 

He couldn't even bring himself to mind at the huge amount of time she took trying on dresses. Not when she emerged, the light catching and playing with her hair, looking like something out of painting, only much more life-like. 

That comparison threatened tears, but he blinked them away. Not on Christmas Day, not when River looked like that. 

She'd dressed herself in Christmas gold, an elegant dress that sparkled around her curves and pooled at her feet. 

“What do you think?” She asked, eyes twinkling to conceal what he could have sworn was a hint of nervousness. 

“Beautiful.” He said, and he meant it. 

She lit up, brighter than her dress, and went back to get changed. 

She tried on three more dresses, each different shades of glorious, and bought them all, slipping into jeans and a sparkly jumper when she'd finished and attaching herself to his outstretched arm. 

They stayed all day, and she bought him several bow ties, proclaiming them a Christmas present. He raised his eyebrows, but tucked them into his pocket. 

When the market had broken up, they made their way back to the Tardis, arms full of (mostly River's) purchases. 

“Will you stay?” 

The words were out of his mouth before he could help himself, but her answering tender smile was worth it. 

“For a little while.” 

Then she inspected the console room, frowning. “It's not very Christmassy, is it? How about some decorations?” 

He'd only had to show the slightest bit of resistance to the whole idea to get her balancing precariously on a ladder, throwing the lights and somehow landing them in elegant criss-crosses everywhere. 

Then she nearly gave him a double heart attack by jumping from the top of the ladder, leading expertly and dropping to a crouch as he cried “RIVER!” 

She laughed at his face, pronouncing it delightful, and then somehow managed to convince him to twist tinsel around the structures in the wall. 

“Perfect.” She pronounced, stepping backwards and admiring her handywork. 

Winking at him, she tapped something on a silver bracelet circling her arm, and her purchases disappeared. 

“What did you-” 

She tapped her nose. “I'm sure you can figure it out.” 

Then she stepped towards him, reaching out to straighten his tie with shadows in her eyes. 

“I think there's someone you need to go.” 

He dared to meet her eyes. “I'm scared.” 

“I know. But that's never stopped you before. Don't start now.”

“Thank you.” 

She was as beautiful in jeans as she'd been in those glorious dresses as she smiled. “No. Thank you.” 

“You'll always be the Doctor. I know that.” 

With that, she tapped her vortex manipulator, and disappeared in a cloud of smoke. 

He ducked his head, tears clouding his vision. 

He'd promised himself that he'd stay away. For her sake, but also for his own.

He had a terrible feeling that if he let himself- if he dared to know her- she'd wrap herself around his hearts, irrevocably. And it would be worse- even worse than Rose. 

Rose had looked at him and seen only good. She'd been what he'd needed after the time war. River looked at him and saw everything, saw right through him to his aching, broken heart- perhaps what he'd always needed, without realising it. And more than that- he wanted to know her, know everything, predict her movements as she predicted his. 

She was his equal, in so many ways. To love her would be to give everything. And to loose her-finally, properly, to give her that last night knowing- 

He couldn't do it. He wasn't strong enough.

He wasn't strong enough to lose her. But he wasn't strong enough to leave her behind either. 

Not one line, she'd said. 

Perhaps the man, whoever came next, would be her Doctor. Stronger. Able to give her what she deserved. 

He lifted his head, wiping away tears and setting his jaw. Then he made his way back to the console. “You know where we have to go.” He whispered, and the Tardis hummed in response, slipping into the vortex.


End file.
